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That aint important...

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The Pain of the Past [Feb. 20th, 2006|10:46 am]
That aint important...
[Current Mood |exhaustedexhausted]
[Current Music |Aeris' Theme, The Best Is Yet To Come]

It's nearly 11 o clock. I have jazz lab band at 12. However, I don't think I am in a state to even play today. You see, the sweet memories of the past have crept up on me. I tend to get emotional when this happens...no matter how much I fight it. It has come to make me accept the fact that I am "human". Allow me to explain.

The Best Is Yet to Come

This song was played throughout the video game known as Metal Gear Solid. I first remember playing it in 1997. Good game. A veteran single-handedly takes on terrorists with a nuclear weapon and comes out victorous. However, the memory of it included one of most painful parts of reality. It was also the time that my best friend's mother died of heart failure.
I remember going over his house with my father after a day at work. It was filled with sadness. Everyone was crying except me(pops didn't want me to know he was). It stroke hard and heavy because the funeral only made things worse. Although, my friend and his family moved on. But, not fully.
This song has always reminded me of life. The pleasures, pains, happy times, sorrow, and frustrations.... I remember sometimes I use to(and still do sometimes) cry when I heard this song. I put myself in my friend's place each and everytime.
The song is named The Best is yet to come, in my opinion, because the good part of life has yet to become the present. Thru the clouds and darkness, the light shines at the end. For there is a beginning and an end to everything....even the pleasant things.

Aeris' Theme(Aerith's Theme)

Final Fantasy VII....most possibly the best game ever made. This song belongs to one of it's charaters...Aeris(Aerith). The female-Christ prototype, Aeris is simple, beautifully made female character from which Cloud, the main character, falls in love with. Her personality is pure hearted and innocent. No games, no lies, no cheating....quite possibly the prototype of every man's ideal mate. She carries a great burden, like Christ, from which she must save mankind with one event. She gets killed midway thru the game by the sword(a samauri's katana)of the main character's "archrival"/alterego, Sephiroth. And, like Christ, she died to save mankind from it's mistake(Sephiroth as well as Mako...a manufactured type of the Earth's energy).
This song reminds me on my childhood. So pure...so simple. It was where I was sheltered from the taintedness of everyday life. It reminds me of where I came from and where I am going. I guess I could say it also reminds me of who I am, regardless of how much I may get caught up with the tainted ways to the society we know today. It reminds me of the pure things I still have left...my memories...my heart...my word...my honor...me...

O Lord, thank you for reminding me of who I am. Give me the strength to carry out Your Will. Forgive me for being human. Take away the pain, the sorrow,the doubts. Most importantly, take away the loneliness... Where is She? I am so Incomplete. Half of me has been missing for 21(going on 22 on Feb. 28) years now. Hmmm.. Maybe not in this lifetime. Or maybe right under my nose. Show me the Way, Lord. Thank you in advance.
In your Son's name, I pray.

I must survive. Otherwise, my type(the "good man" or "gentleman" or whatever the hell my stereotype is...) will die out. Without people like this, the world would probably end. My mother's and father's efforts to raise a distinct gentleman would have failed. Everyone who pushed me this far...I would have failed them. Those who died entrusting me to the future..... Seems as though I will have to go back to the days of studying nin-po, saminjitsu, and the art of invisiblity. Somehow, I must survive....despite my obstacles. But how...? I guess just do my best.

From: (Anonymous)
2006-02-25 07:14 pm (UTC)

i can relate

Your thoughts and prayer touched me. It made me realize that I should be seeking the same things and not hold on to the past. What happened, happened and I shouldn't wait for the person that broke my heart. Will that person for me ever come to me? It's like I'm not alone in feeling that way about my life.
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