|Frustrations of Life
||[Feb. 19th, 2006|10:24 pm]
That aint important...
|||||I'm in the library DAMNIT!||]|
I remember when I was younger, I made a promise to myself:Not to become like the mindless masses of today or join them. I sorta figured that if I became a part of society today, I would end up being another simple-minded fool. Why would I say this? What would make me even bring this conversation up? Geez....where should I start.
Let's start with life. Many believe that life is pretty much summed up to be childhood experiences, college life(some..not all), marriage(again..some), and death. Thru these periods are brief times of enjoyment, sorrow, frustration, and others. Besides this, there is nothing else to life besides "enjoying it".
People tend to look out for self more than each other. I know because there have been times where I was like that. "Enjoying life", from the understanding that I'm getting, meant temporary relationships until you found the one, parties, experiments and experiences, bachelor life, alcohol, and others which I really don't care to get into. During this time, people get in relationship only for the fun of it(to be with someone, to have fun, or things of the such). People experiment with multiple things(different sex partners, alcohol, Greek life, being in 20 different organizations, and others). All of this is relevant to the average day Joe or Jane. However...not me.
I've always wondered what made me different. I remember being in a rehearsal for a program we're(A Phi A) having with another Greek lettered organization tomorrow. We were supposed to be practicing a dance routine(I wasn't actually in the program) Everyone..and I do mean EVERYONE...at one part, got up and danced with each other. I just sat and watched. It's all I could do. It felt as though I wasn't interested in it. Or maybe it was late... I'm not sure. Maybe after reading so many philsophical books on different aspects of life, I maybe just feel as though...this isn't for me. Maybe I shouldn't be in this lifetime or period. I feel like most things that go on nowadays are trivial. Maybe I just don't fit into life as it is now. What do I mean? Let me explain.
Someone once told me I was a man(I prefer myself as a young man) of a rare kind...one which was dying out. They said I was polite, nice, intelligent, a gentleman, as well as too old for my age(I'll explain later). They compared me to the idealistic man they would want to marry(this was a woman). They said that I was different for the rest in more ways than one. Supposedly, I was the "true gentleman". I guess.... Besides it's a part of my nature to be "a gentleman". It's how I was raised. It's also my downfall. For it has caused me great grief in the past. A lot of heartache and pains....especially with the love life. And that's another thing...
It seems as though everyone wants to play "the game" when it comes to dating. For some odd reason, it tell a person what someone they are interested in is like. A kind of traditional assessment, if you ask me. Many, including me, have been hurt during this assessment of ones character. Personally, I find it childish to use "a game" to get into a relationship with someone. I mean.....it's traditional assessment. It worked in the past. But not now! It's like a continuous cycle of pain that everyone seems to be drawn into unwillingly at one point or another. One hurts another. Then, that other one hurts someone else. When does it stop?! See....I should be in this lifetime. I mean...it's not for me.
Seems I'm babbling again. I think I'll just get a video game and call it a night. Maybe life is getting to me. Only God knows... Maybe this is His way of making something out of me. Maybe He wants me to do something extraordinary in the future where people will forever remember me(I guess...) Who knows..... All I can do is pray and keep my head up high.