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Frustrations of Life [Feb. 19th, 2006|10:24 pm]
That aint important...
[Current Mood |aggravatedaggravated]
[Current Music |I'm in the library DAMNIT!]

I remember when I was younger, I made a promise to myself:Not to become like the mindless masses of today or join them. I sorta figured that if I became a part of society today, I would end up being another simple-minded fool. Why would I say this? What would make me even bring this conversation up? Geez....where should I start.

Let's start with life. Many believe that life is pretty much summed up to be childhood experiences, college life(some..not all), marriage(again..some), and death. Thru these periods are brief times of enjoyment, sorrow, frustration, and others. Besides this, there is nothing else to life besides "enjoying it".
People tend to look out for self more than each other. I know because there have been times where I was like that. "Enjoying life", from the understanding that I'm getting, meant temporary relationships until you found the one, parties, experiments and experiences, bachelor life, alcohol, and others which I really don't care to get into. During this time, people get in relationship only for the fun of it(to be with someone, to have fun, or things of the such). People experiment with multiple things(different sex partners, alcohol, Greek life, being in 20 different organizations, and others). All of this is relevant to the average day Joe or Jane. However...not me.

I've always wondered what made me different. I remember being in a rehearsal for a program we're(A Phi A) having with another Greek lettered organization tomorrow. We were supposed to be practicing a dance routine(I wasn't actually in the program) Everyone..and I do mean EVERYONE...at one part, got up and danced with each other. I just sat and watched. It's all I could do. It felt as though I wasn't interested in it. Or maybe it was late... I'm not sure. Maybe after reading so many philsophical books on different aspects of life, I maybe just feel as though...this isn't for me. Maybe I shouldn't be in this lifetime or period. I feel like most things that go on nowadays are trivial. Maybe I just don't fit into life as it is now. What do I mean? Let me explain.

Someone once told me I was a man(I prefer myself as a young man) of a rare kind...one which was dying out. They said I was polite, nice, intelligent, a gentleman, as well as too old for my age(I'll explain later). They compared me to the idealistic man they would want to marry(this was a woman). They said that I was different for the rest in more ways than one. Supposedly, I was the "true gentleman". I guess.... Besides it's a part of my nature to be "a gentleman". It's how I was raised. It's also my downfall. For it has caused me great grief in the past. A lot of heartache and pains....especially with the love life. And that's another thing...

It seems as though everyone wants to play "the game" when it comes to dating. For some odd reason, it tell a person what someone they are interested in is like. A kind of traditional assessment, if you ask me. Many, including me, have been hurt during this assessment of ones character. Personally, I find it childish to use "a game" to get into a relationship with someone. I mean.....it's traditional assessment. It worked in the past. But not now! It's like a continuous cycle of pain that everyone seems to be drawn into unwillingly at one point or another. One hurts another. Then, that other one hurts someone else. When does it stop?! See....I should be in this lifetime. I mean...it's not for me.

Seems I'm babbling again. I think I'll just get a video game and call it a night. Maybe life is getting to me. Only God knows... Maybe this is His way of making something out of me. Maybe He wants me to do something extraordinary in the future where people will forever remember me(I guess...) Who knows..... All I can do is pray and keep my head up high.
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Disability or enhanced ability [Feb. 1st, 2006|06:30 pm]
That aint important...
[Current Mood |accomplished]
[Current Music |silence]

Today I remember seeing a blind guy walk down the street. It seemed as though he was unfamiliar with the area yet...he still walked like he had sight. Even though I rushed over to help, it seemed he was well on his way to going where he had to go. All while using just his other senses.

The disable amaze me day by day. Those how are blind are said to have an enhanced sense of hearing as well as a strong capability to still tell the difference between light, dark, etc. Even though they can't see, they still actually can. Even though sight is drawn away from them, they still are able somehow to see thru a mental prospective. The deaf are even better.

Some would say not to put a deaf child in the music arena. However, deaf people actually make more superior musicians. The vibrations given off by their instrument are literally memorized to achieve a sense of musicianship that even some of my best colleagues can't handle. This is also applied to sing.

It's so amazing what the human body is capable of. Yet, we still don't truly know all the details and are aware of what it can do.

Disabled people inspire me. They come from rough situations and standards and make the best out of them....literally. It's as though they were the brilliant minds behind all the things in the world instead of people like George Washington, Ben Franklin, and the such. They just....inspire me to do better in my life. To strive for the best possible outcome. And never to take things for granted. It's just amazing how God set the world up.....
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Music [Jan. 9th, 2006|11:44 pm]
That aint important...
[Current Mood |moodymoody]
[Current Music |silence]

Music, in Webster's dictionary, is defined as the science or art of ordering tones or sounds in succession, in combination, and in temporal relationships to produce a composition having unity and continuity. A standard text book definition for they do not know truly what music is.

Music is an expression for life. It is the first time you kissed someone to the time of marriage. When I play my saxophone, it expresses what I am thinking about. Whether it be about the attractive young lady across the room or my past sorrows and hurts.... Although I am still discovering different ways to express myself, my heart and soul go into my playing. That's what a musician is...one who express himself thru music.

Music tells a story. Some tell of a love story of pure romance. Others tell about another day at the club. However, nowadays, it seems the true quality of music has degraded. Some is used to stimulate the wrong hormones leading to deadly situations. But who am I to blame? They're only trying to survive the game. They are only trying to survive period.

People don't seem to appreciate music like they use to. Music is beginning to be synthesized. It's becoming mechanical. Technology is pushing away the modern day musician who worked his/her ass off for someone who "entertains the crowd". Musicians are getting paid less and less these days too. How will we survive.....?
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....Merry Christmas and thank you Lord. [Dec. 24th, 2005|04:09 pm]
That aint important...
[Current Mood |gratefulgrateful]
[Current Music |christmas music....all types]

Today, the thought of the life of Jesus Christ has been roaming through my mind. He was born in a manger to Mary and Joseph. He lived a humble life with the chosen occupation as a carpenter. He sent His life helping those in need while teaching the Word of the Lord. It troubles me that such a good, kind, simple, and peaceful Man would suffer severely for our sins.

He carried the sins of mankind till the very last moment of His life. I remember reading on a website that went into a deep discussion about when He asked the Lord "Why have you forsake me?". It was said to be symbolic of the spiritual separation between God and Jesus at this very moment when He was on the cross. Jesus did this so that we, mankind, need not suffer the spiritual separation from God. For, if you have noticed, God is with us at all times even when people don't have a personal relationship with Him. It would seemed that no matter what you do, God will always love you for who you are. He's always with you whether you acknowledge it or not. I mean, this is one of the main reasons we view Him as Merciful. I could go in depth more about what it is truly meant by Merciful, but I leave that to you...the reader.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not one of the "holiest" of Christians for I have done wrong myself. I wouldn't say look up to me as example to those who don't know Christ. But then again, God may use me as a means to get to others. He may use you. Who knows.... I'm just....a 'philosophical minstrel'(look it up if you don't know)"passing by"(as the old folk at my home church say). I only give you a small insight of the big picture. It's up to you to do the rest....

Merry Christmas to all

Happy Birthday Jesus....:P
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The concept of progress [Dec. 15th, 2005|12:18 am]
That aint important...
[Current Mood |energeticgotta get some sleep.....]
[Current Music |the drops of rain with memories of lusty, intimate pasts]

Can't sleep. Too much caffeine...
Oh well..

I remember passing by one of my ex-girlfriends today. She seemed as though she has grown up quite fast(college will do that to you). I remember I looked at her facebook profile today, just for the hell of it. What I found was an array of additions to the girl I was use to date. She has progressed.

A young man in my department, who which I entered my major with, has become one of the top musicians in the school. He has alot of nature talent. He's in high demand as for as gigs. And to think that this was the same person I hung out with back in the day of freshmen years. He too has progressed.

So, what exactly is progression? Progression is nothing more than simply moving forward in any field. Progress being it's keyword, it suggests that you go forward for the positive or constructive way of things. Can I truly say I have progressed?

I guess I could say I too have progressed. Although, I could have been further ahead of where I am now. Got a little side tracked down the road with temporary bumps and fork-in-the-roads. But I could be worse off so I dare not complain. I mean, I'm in Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity, Phi Mu Alpha Sinfonia Music Fraternity, a whole list of essembles and combos, I play for the Lord in a music ministry, and lots of other stuff. Then again, what organization you are in doesn't define your charater.

However, since going thru several crisis situations, I have built into a strong young man than I use to be. I would not tolerate mess back in the day. Now it's like....whatever...

Everyone around me is moving forward. I question myself as to whether or not I am moving to. Sometimes I wonder if I'm stand still. The bad part about it is that stand still as just a slower way of falling back or being left behind.

Damn...gotta get some sleep. I guess I'll study just a little bit more. Got be a scholar making dollars now... No exceptions.
One
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Life goes on [Dec. 14th, 2005|08:01 pm]
That aint important...
[Current Mood |calmcalm]
[Current Music |Sugar by Stanley Turrentine]

The week of finals....dead week. This is the notorious week were all activities on campus come to a drastic halt. I have six total tests...two performances, a jury where I am judged on my playing ability, a political science test(I HATE POLITICS), a elementary teaching methods test, a percussion teaching methods test, a instrumental teaching methods test, and a test in organization and management of a jazz band. Wow....

This semester has truly been a interesting one. I've learned alot about myself as well as those around me. Someone once said "People are like tea bags. You don't know what's in them until you put them in hot water." This is a very true statement. I've found out that even I have a point that my tolerance won't allow me to go pass.

Seems as though my idea(or philsophy...which ever one you prefer even though it's technically incorrect) of life has broaden. I've had to make some serious life changing decision this semester. If it hadn't been for the Lord, I don't think I'd have been able to even get passed the moment of the decision. I'd still be pondering what I should do.But then again...that's everyday.

Wish me luck... Better yet, pray for me. :P
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The balance in life [Nov. 30th, 2005|05:08 pm]
That aint important...
[Current Mood |thankfuljust....me]
[Current Music |Can You Stand The Rain by Boyz II Men]

I've come to the conclusion that everything in life is balanced. It would seem that there is a time and place for everything. Everything happens for a reason. This concept can be applied to each and every aspect of life. Even the bible speaks of it saying "Have all things in moderation". I spoke to a friend who felt as though he was going thru hell. He said that he was always being treated badly. He felt depressed. I explained to him about there being a time for all things.

Something else I thought about while talking to him is that you have to experience the complete opposite of something in order to appreciate that thing. You have to be depressed and unhappy sometimes to appreciate happiness. Same goes for love as well as other things in life.

As far as the rest of life, everything's going ok. Wish I had more luck with socializing and relationships. I'm much better than what I was as far as health. Still got a long way to go though....and a lifetime to get there. This should be fun...
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What a weekend [Nov. 22nd, 2005|09:02 pm]
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[Current Mood |sicksick]
[Current Music |Blue Train by John Contrane]

This weekend was busy for me. My schedule was packed from Friday around noon till Saturday night. I woke up Sunday morning determined to make it to church only to find myself falling (literally) right back on the bed. I believe this is what is referred to as "burning out". My body was weak and tired. I couldn't keep my eyes open. My ears started to ring. It became hard to breath. I realized at that very moment that I had reached limits. Add to this a cold and sinus infection. Not pretty at all...

I always thought I could break the barriers. And I have. But what happens when I don't take time for myself? I grow weak and my progress is limited. I took on too much. I realized that I was just another ordinary human.

I have the worst trouble with women these days. Usually, I end up going with someone whose been hurt dramatically in the past. I try to help them thru their problems and BANG! That's the end... Man, when will I find a nice, attractive, good woman that's problem free.

Had a concert tonight. I've wanted all my life to get first chair in my band. I built
up to it. And when I finally got it, it seemed life got rougher trying to keep it.

I played two solos in the jazz band concert tonight. The crowd seemed to love it. Everyone around me was very pleased. But I knew I could do better. I guess that's what keeps me humble..
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Phorbidden [Nov. 20th, 2005|12:48 am]
That aint important...
[Current Mood |sleepysleepy]
[Current Music |silence is sometimes the best music.....:)]

A topic of interest has been my line name from Alpha Phi Alpha: Phorbidden Sensation. So, in a narrow and short as possible essay, I will attempt to explain it.

In the book of Genesis in the book, Adam and Eve were told by God not to eat the "forbidden" fruit(the Fruit of Knowledge from the Tree of Life). I believe the Lord said this because He knew that they could not handle the outcome. Or rather, they could, but it would take a long time to adapt to it. For when they ate it, their life change dramatically.... And that was the fall of Adam and Eve...as well as mankind.

"Phorbidden Sensation" comes from this aspect. "Phorbidden" is spelled with a "ph" instead of a "f" because of the Greek letter "Phi" in Alpha Phi Alpha. Now, it's forbidden for a reason. It has been "phorbidden" because no one has been able to truly handle it with care. Most thought they could, but they couldn't. It was too strong for them to handle. They got a taste and didn't know how to react. It hit them hard and they loved every moment of it. They wanted it so badly. And when they finally got it...it was more than they could handle. From the burning passion so intense that one would start to sweat thinking about them to the intense yet slow and heightening moments by candlelight or moonlight. It would leave them shaking and shivering till they fell to their knees....as though they had been on a exciting adrenaline rushing roller coaster ride.

Now I'm not saying that I've got "good stuff" or anything. I'm simple stating the truth. I'm not being boastful. I mean, at one time I wondered if I could handle it. Then I immediately answered myself;yes. Otherwise, I'd be dead by now...








Oh, and the Phorbidden Sensation is Love....by the way. Not sex. Just Love. :P
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Distinction [Nov. 20th, 2005|12:35 am]
That aint important...
[Current Mood |curiouscurious]
[Current Music |Aeris' Theme from Final Fantasy VII]

To be distinct is to be different, noticable, and original.

Ever wonder why you are the way you are? I have plenty of times.
Why don't I get "crunk" when the Lil Jon music comes on the radio like everyone else? Maybe that's why I'm a musician. I understand the difference in styles music as well as the different charateristics of each genre. I know how it's constructed and play. Dynamics and tempo changes. But, why can't I be like everyone else....?

Why don't I pick fights with people over something? I mean, I'd fight to the end for what I believe in and love but....at the cost of negativity in somebody else's life? I've put my own values to the side on several occasions just so someone else could continue with their life in a orderly manner. Is it wrong to deny oneself for the sake of his fellow man/woman? I mean, the bible did say "Love thy neighbor as thy love thyself". Hmm....

Why is it that I can remain calm thru the toughest situations? I recall being over the music for a pagaent my fraternity was hosting. It seemed as though the guys in charge were losing their minds. Yet, I remain simple, relaxed, and calm. I mean, I got pissed every now and then because people were being people. But, overall, I remained calm.....

Why is it that people are scared of change? Just because of a little bump in the road threw them off, they panic. I've concluded that people fear doing something they aren't used to. People fear what they don't know. Yet, I continue to journey day by day into the unknown with a head that is "bloodied but unbowed".

I guess this is what makes me...me. Interesting eh?
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