|Does Life Move Forward......
||[Aug. 18th, 2013|07:53 pm]
That aint important...
|||||disappointed, depressed, yet determined to get her back||]|
|||||Stronger by Kayne West||]|
It's almost been a week with Mariah. It seems like forever. I went to church today and felt void and numb. I feel stuck....like I can't move.
A huge part of my life was taken from me. The love of my life....
Mariah was my woman, companion, love, and potential wife. I fought long and hard to secure her love for me. I still love her. Yet, I feel numb.... It's a dull feeling that words can not explain. Most of the people who care about me say forget her. They say she's playing with my heart. A siren that gets joy from the torment of men. I don't know what to believe. She loved me less than a month ago. Yet, she drifted off less than a month ago. Last we talked, she said she still loves and cares for me. Yet, I do not know whether it is true or false. I don't know what to feel. I am angry yet sad. I am bitter yet lonely. I do not want to love yet I still and always will love her.
I had a dream that she texted me saying the man she was with was 10x the man I ever was. She said I was weak and pathetic for continuously chasing her. She cursed me and said I was damned to a life of a self-inflicted hell. Then the worst part happened......the phone went blank. I woke in sweat and tears wondering why was the burden put on me. Why must I continue to suffer? Why must I be the stepping stone for a woman to get closer to the one she is supposed to marry. I have continuously fell and hurt myself too many times to count. Yet, still I rise....
I still love you sweet Mariah....