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That aint important...

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Love Life and Bitterness [Aug. 15th, 2013|06:53 pm]
That aint important...
[Current Mood |depresseddepressed]
[Current Music |How Do I Say Goodbye to Yesterday]

It's been awhile since I've posted anything on here. Having been some 7 to 8 years, I've grown as a person. There are experiences I can only begin to explain that have forced me to see life for what it truly is. Considering that I have continuously tried to find love and happiness with some 28 women within a ten year span, I have become tired. I've always asked myself "Why do they like 'bad' guys?" as well as "Why can't I find true love and happiness" and still have yet to find an answer. All I've every wanted was to love and be loved. Life's frustrations have pushed me to a limit which I thought I'd never reach. I have continued seeking an answer but each time I try I get nothing.

I am at a state of confusion....
I held a knife to my chest today in an attempt to end it all. I begged that God take it from my hands and show me the way to true love and happiness. The knife fell from my hands> I regained my composure. I grabbed my phone and started calling for help..... And it was all because of my love for Mariah.

Mariah was my love for the past 3 years. She was the closest I've ever got to marrying someone. Beautiful, fiesty, intelligent, witty, caring, God fearing..... However, because of miscommunication, the bane of most of my relationships, she broke up with me. Because she lost interest. Because I took her to look at engagement rings and didn't get her one then and there. Because she thought that I was stringing her along rather than saving up all I could to propose to her. I fought for her heart even when I was tired. She was the love of my life....the air I breathed....my sky, sun, moon, and stars.

She didn't want to marry me anymore.....

Another man was introduced into the equation. Apparently he got her attention, despite she and I being together. It hurts.....to have thought that you found the love of your life and have it snatched from you. Why God? Why does this continuously happen to me? I love her.....yet it seems that she doesn't love me....
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