|Love and Sex
||[Jun. 12th, 2006|05:10 am]
That aint important...
Can't sleep again. I hear the birds chirping outside of my house. The sky goes from pitch black with glitters here and there to one of a bluish white complex. Another day begins....and I'm sooner or later gonna take my active ass to bed. Hmm... Seems as though I had a little too much caffeine.
I still lead the life of a "loner" or "lone wolf" with little difficulty now. I have come to accept it. It give me time to hone in on me. I know I am different from those who are around me. I know my life will not be normal somehow, I believe the Lord has a special plan in mind for my life. Otherwise I would not be going thru this. However, something has been disturbing me for sometime.... Two main things: Sex and Love.
Sex is defined as "intercourse involving genital contact between individuals other than penetration of the vagina by the penis". During this time, much effort is put forth for one to acheive what is known as an orgasm, a brief period of what I call "pleasuring emptiness". Some individuals put much emotion into this moment of interaction between people. People like me use it to ultimately express ourselves to selected individuals of how we feel about this. Others selfishly just try to get off.
The act of sex has been abused for quite sometime. Today people use it casually as though it was just some everyday thing. This has led to much heartache to people. I, myself, am one who has ceaselessly been hurt by the actions of others. I have brief vision quite frequently of the women I have loved having loud, rough, and furious sex with their newlyfound(and sometimes renewed) boyfriends/friends/partners. It torments me day by day because of this act. It's as though they didn't care what I would feel afterwards. Tortured, tormented, disgusted, and deprided, I move on. They literally hurt me...cut deeply....badly. Then again, after it was done to me, I repeated the cycle. No I didn't cheat on anyone. But to go with your ex-girlfriend's best friend isn't anything better. And then my ex tries to say I am wrong....although I know I was. What makes her mistake any better. I will not play this blaming game. I am a little over that level of maturity.
It is taught in Christianity that one should wait till they have married before having sex. Many of us nowadays have neglected this teaching. All have paid for their choice, be it good or bad. And thought people do not pay attention, there is a reason for this. Imagine all the pain and frustration you wouldn't encounter.
Love is a pure emotion. It is defined by one's actions rather than words from the dictionary. Untainted...pure... Even though the purest of things are also the deadliest. It makes you do the craziest things. Yet, it drives you to do what is needed even in the most harsh times. I really can't define love....
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."
1st Corinthians 13:4-8
I read it and wonder...have I ever loved? Am I too distant from humankind that my emotions don't exist? The only love I've experieced is God's love. How do I know this? Well, for one, it drives me to go on...even in the most distressing times. He loved me so much that He sacrificed His Son, Jesus, for idiotic mistakes. Then again...there's my parents' love. But anyway, nothing is certain in this world. That's why I said I wonder if I have truly experienced this "love" with another. My time will come. The thing is what will I do with it when it gets there.
The sky is brightening. The sun is starting to show. It's time to return to the shadow....until I am rested. Till next time......